Fifteen years ago today, someone very important to me died. I was 23, and so was she. We had an intense history – sometimes good intense, and sometimes bad intense. She fought a hard battle with cancer, and though the hand she was dealt was unfair, she lived each day she had with positive energy. For that, I will always admire her. I’ve spent a lot of years of my life regretting that I couldn’t or didn’t do more for her, but today, I try to just remember her. I see her goofy smile, and her overgrown dark brown hair. I laugh at her crazy passion for dancing, even though she wasn’t all that good at it. I think fondly of the times she dragged me out to find some new lesbian hang-out in the city we had just moved to, even when I’d rather have stayed at home. I remember how she was able to find a way to decorate our tiny studio apartment, even though we had no money to buy things. I think of the huge pots of spaghetti she made for whatever transient visitors were staying with us while they found their own apartment in San Francisco. I think of how she insisted on having our pictures taken with our cats, the poor things forced to wear tiny Santa hats. She printed these with a cheesy holiday message for us to mail to our friends and family. I remember the strength she would muster after intensive rounds of chemotherapy, refusing to let it keep her down for long. I hear the loud conversations she had in Greek with her superstitious mother, trying to convince her mom she would be OK. I remember how everyone around her wanted to be her best friend. I remember our trips to the East Bay so she could visit holistic treatment centers, trying acupuncture and many blends of Chinese herbs to see if they might be successful where modern medicine couldn’t be. I remember the courage she had to embark on a lengthy international trip alone in the last months before she died, unwilling to leave the world without having seen some of it. I wanted to smack her when she congratulated me for making it to age 23. Now and then I read the few letters I have to remember her by, and I’m glad our paths crossed for a while, even though it ended way too soon. So, today is a day for remembering, because she really deserves to be remembered.
Month: October 2011
Random articles
In the style of my “great reads” links to other blog posts, I thought I would periodically share random articles that catch my attention. Round 1 begins now:
An exciting new ailment: Text Neck – Not only is this article a great example of the endless creation of new ailments, with a brilliant name for an ailment, I love that the author thinks the new ailment of which he writes is exciting. This is my kind of facetious!
I have to say, I am not generally a fan of perfume or cologne – especially anything that smells very flowery. But, I couldn’t resist sharing a link to information about this fabulous new invention – bacon cologne.
I think someone needs to find this guy’s kryptonite.
This last one, I’m including for my devoted reader, Bassa. I am dying to hear what you think of this commercial.
More blog spam
Some more gems… I just can’t help it…
From hairremovalforall
“I love this site, countless occasions I go to web sites and they’re only stuffed with spam. Though, the website here is actual good quality”
Don’t you mean, countless occasions you go to web sites and stuff them with spam?
From Corliss Ontiveros
“Im impressed, I ought to say. Extremely rarely do I come across a weblog thats both informative and entertaining, and let me let you know, youve hit the nail on the head. Your blog is significant; the issue is some thing that not enough people are talking intelligently about. Im definitely happy that I stumbled across this in my search for one thing relating to this problem.”
I seriously want to know what issue?!? What problem?!? And, why would you search for just one thing relating to your problem?!?
From Miss Shively
“Im impressed, I ought to say. Quite rarely do I come across a blog thats each informative and entertaining, and let me let you know, youve hit the nail on the head. Your weblog is vital; the issue is one thing that not sufficient men and women are talking intelligently about. Im definitely happy that I stumbled across this in my search for one thing relating to this problem.”
I think Corliss Ontiveros and Miss Shively might be conspiring together…
From slot games
“Best Suggestion Of your Week: When going by means of airport customs and you happen to be asked “do you have any firearms with you?” don’t reply “what do you will need?””
Oh, man. This one had so much potential. I was really hooked as soon as I saw airport customs and firearms – why couldn’t you come up with a better reply?
From body acne treatment
“Aw, this was a very nice post. In concept I would like to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and actual effort to make a very good article… however what can I say… I procrastinate alot and by no means appear to get one thing done.”
Well, you don’t seem to have trouble posting spam on people’s blogs.
From adult acne treatment
“An interesting discussion is value comment. I believe that it’s best to write extra on this matter, it won’t be a taboo topic however usually individuals are not enough to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers”
I don’t even know what to say to this one..
From Dennis Dutt
“Can I simply say what a relief to find somebody who really is aware of what theyre talking about on the internet. You positively know methods to bring an issue to mild and make it important. More people need to read this and perceive this side of the story. I cant consider youre no more well-liked because you undoubtedly have the gift.”
Hmm… “methods to bring an issue to mild”… “I cant consider youre no more well-liked”… Because there’s a double negative there, does that mean I’m well-liked?
Jobs from my youth – The Downtown Club, 1993
A few weeks ago, I posted about a writing exercise in Bill Roorbach’s Writing Life Stories. It had to do with creating a timeline for some period of your life, to help jar your memory about details and spawn some story ideas. One of the things I did when I started my timeline was go through old tax records, which reminded me of various jobs I had when I was much younger. There was a period between 1993 and 1995 where I reported income in two states for each of those tax years. I moved a lot back then. I was trying to find a way out of Wisconsin, and it took me a while to make that work.
In 1993, I reported income from five employers in Wisconsin, and one in Illinois. All those jobs, and my income only came to $5436.18. I wasn’t great at holding jobs back then. Nothing made me happy, and I hadn’t developed the will power it takes to stick with something you don’t like. In one job, I waited tables at what was a new restaurant/dance club in Sheboygan. During the day, we opened for lunch, then closed for a couple hours to get ready for dinner. At 9 0’clock, the dinner tables went away and the place turned into a night club. I learned some interesting lessons at that job. The Downtown Club billed itself as a fine dining restaurant, and back then, there weren’t many to be found in the area. However, that also meant that those of us that worked there didn’t really know what fine dining was – not the food, not the service, certainly not different wines.
I did my best, but I remember a wealthy couple in for lunch one day. I served their sandwiches or salads, or whatever it was the ordered, and they were drinking coffee. As I made my rounds to see if anyone wanted refills, the wealthy woman nodded that she did. I picked up her coffee cup, and topped it off. She told me condescendingly this was not the way to refill someone’s coffee cup. I should lift the cup on the saucer, so as not to touch the cup itself. I clenched my teeth and bit my tongue instead of apologizing and walked away quickly, hoping they would soon leave and I would still get a half-way decent tip. I felt a certain shame that I didn’t know those fine details about how things are done for wealthy people. All my coffee-pouring skills were learned from the overworked waitresses at IHOP who poured my coffee only occasionally after they left the “Bottomless pot” on my table. Even then, I was lucky if they didn’t pour the coffee in my lap as they leaned across the table to reach my mug. I’ve never completely gotten over the bitterness I felt at people who had money, coming from a mostly lower-middle class background myself. I still carry a chip on my shoulder, even when I choose to go to fancy restaurants now, and money is no longer a big issue in my life.
Another lesson from my job at the Downtown Club was how to tend bar, Wisconsin-style. I’ve learned since then that the way people make drinks in Wisconsin doesn’t really match the way they make them anywhere else. For instance, the Old Fashioned is a very popular Wisconsin drink. Age doesn’t matter – everyone drinks them. You can order an Old Fashioned with either whiskey or brandy, and order it either sweet or sour. This is a departure from the traditional Old Fashioned, which calls for no soda whatsoever. In Wisconsin, though, sweet means put 7-up in the drink, and top it off with a cherry wrapped in half an orange slice, impaled on a plastic sword. Sour means put sour soda in the drink. I have yet to find any other place where “sour” means sour soda. When I first came to California, I’d order a sour drink – Amaretto Sour, Whiskey sour, whatever – and the bartenders put that horrible sweet and sour mix in the drink – the kind you’d find in a margarita. The first time I took a sip, I almost sprayed it all over the people standing in front of me. 
50/50 was a popular sour soda used as a drink mixer. It was a grapefruit & lime soda, and all bars had it. It’s soda, but not as sweet as 7-up. I have no idea why this soda seemed to be such a regional drink. The closest thing I’ve been able to find in California is called Collins Mix, and it’s not available in bars. I eventually switched to ginger ale when I wanted whiskey with something less sweet in it here. Bourbon and ginger ale was my standard drink for a few years. Lately, I drink fruity drinks, which I get a lot of crap for from all my friends, because I am not supposed to like girly, fruity drinks. Maybe I’d drink Old Fashioned’s again if “sour” meant what it does in Wisconsin.
More must-read posts
Enjoy!
Carrie’s memories of summers visiting her uncle are beautifully written.
Graham’s ode to John Lennon, written on Lennon’s birthday is a great read.
I only wish I lived next to churches that made signs like the one in this post. My God, what great material! I have to admit, I don’t read the signs posted on churches around here – maybe I’ll start now…
Don’t read this if you are easily offended, but if you like a good expletive-laced rant, go for it. You’ll be glad you did.
Paying it forward, or should I say, receiving forward pay?
Claire Hennessey, of Crazy California Claire, named me as one of her three ‘Pay it Forward’ blogs the other day, and I’m grateful for the mention. Claire and I connected through the Rach Writes Platform Building Campaign, and our connection has been the highlight of the entire campaign experience for me. We have become critique partners, and I absolutely love reading and commenting on the memoir she has in progress. It’s a very charming story and I’m excited to see where she takes it. She’s also provided me some excellent feedback on a short memoir piece I’ve been working on for the past couple of months. Thanks, Claire! It’s great to have your support! I’ll post my own version of Pay it Forward shortly, with my regular links to some great posts I’ve read in the past couple weeks.
Discard
I bought a used book a month or so ago on Amazon. It’s called News from the Border, and is a captivating memoir about a mother and her autistic son, written by Jane Taylor McDonnell. I had read her book on writing memoir, Living to tell the Tale, in which she used excerpts of her memoir to illustrate various tips about technique, and I enjoyed it enough to buy the book. As I mentioned, I bought the book used – why not save a few dollars, right? When I opened the book, the first thing I saw was a red stamp that said, “DISCARD,” with the name of the library it once belonged to. I immediately felt a little sad. Even though I had yet to read the book, there was something about the finality of that red stamp, the callous rejection it implied, that bothered me. I don’t think I’ve ever run across a book that was so clearly marked for the dump or some other such final resting place for garbage. It evoked an image of a stuffy librarian wearing a flowery shirt and a light cardigan sweater, glasses hanging on a sparkly chain around her neck, sitting in front of a stack of books that hadn’t been checked out often enough to warrant the space they consumed on a shelf somewhere. She opens each book, firmly pressing down on the plastic stamp that marks her prey as rejects as she moves each text to a new pile of “discards.”
Let me say, I’m not one of those people that is so enthralled with books that I treat each one as though it was as sacred as the Old Testament to an Orthodox Christian. I like books – very much, even. But I’m not generally that sentimental about them. In fact, I’m one of those people that likes to get rid of things, books included. When I get rid of books, I either sell them back to Amazon or drop them off at a recycling center that has a book section where others can come and pick through the books and take them for themselves for free. So, I guess I never thought that there is actually a cycle of life a physical book might have, with a sort of death at the very end. Obviously, despite being stamped “DISCARD,” this book has yet to meet its final end, so perhaps I’m being overly dramatic. Nonetheless, I just didn’t like that angry red stamp.
P.S. To my friends that have a library science background, I apologize for the blatant stereotyping. I am sure that none of you will ever be a stuffy librarian that wears flowery shirts, cardigan sweaters and glasses on a shiny chain around your neck.
Habits
In the past year, I’ve been told how long it takes to form a habit – twice, actually. One person told me three weeks, and another person told me four weeks. Well, I started this blog on August 5, and although I never said it, I intended to post every day. Until this past Sunday, October 9, I’d only missed 3 days. You’d think that regardless of whether it takes three or four weeks to form a habit, I’d have done that by now with my daily writing. But, no. And, I did have a stretch of more than four straight weeks without missing a post in there, so perhaps neither person is right. In any case, I am determined to get back on track this weekend. Thanks to the people that continued to visit despite my abrupt break. More soon…
A pep talk in every drop (TM)
I’ve been fighting off a cold this week, and it’s the kind that starts with a nagging sore throat and clogged up sinuses. So, I went for the Halls. Though I have half a dozen bags of Breezers, I was out of the real cough drops, and that’s what I needed, so I had to buy a new package of Mountain Menthol. I was surprised to notice that Halls has taken a sort of fortune cookie/cheerleader approach to communicating with consumers with sort throats. The wrappers are full of brief motivational messages.
– Tough is your middle name.
– Flex your “can do” muscle.
– Get through it.
– Seize the day.
– Impress yourself today.
– Nothing you can’t handle.
– You can do it and you know it.
– You got it in you.
– Don’t try harder. Do harder!
– Put your game face on.
– Let’s hear your battle cry.
I’m not sure how I feel about this. First, I don’t have a battle cry, and even if I can do it and I know it, that doesn’t mean I want to do it when I’m sick. Sometimes I like to think “tough” is my middle name, but not so often. My “game face” when I’m sick is non-existent. Even when I do just “get through it,” most people know because I can be a pretty whiny sick person.
Maybe they’re just trying to be cute. Then again, maybe their marketers think if they push us to keep going when we’re sick, we’ll need to buy more and more Halls because it will take longer to get better. Either way, I go through stretches of semi-addiction to Halls every year when I get a cold, so these messages will neither make me buy their product more, nor will it make me buy it less.
I think I would be much more entertained, though, if the messages were more along these lines:
– Tell them it can wait.
– Threaten to cough on them.
– If you must go to work, pass us out in meetings.
– Your bed is calling you…
– Stay home!
– Show off your blue tongue.
Must read posts
Tears, tantrums, salesmen, and shotguns. Need I say more?
If you have not seen this video of “The King and Queen of the Techno Challenged,” go view it immediately. It’s brilliant! Thank you to Tamari Etherton for posting this!
A ton of us have blogged about the death of Steve Jobs. I liked the quotes attributed to him in this post. I also liked that some cool guys made the Retro Mac theme. Not for everyone, but still, a cool tribute.
I like random. In fact, I love random. The concept of random, random things, random encounters, any kind of randomness – so I think I’m going to love this new blog.
east.bay.writer 